The decisions I make & the sin in my life are just like the dirt under my fingernails. No matter how many times I get a manicure, paint my nails or wash my hands, until I completely cleanse my hands, there will still always be the specks of dirt under my nails. In my life, I can cover my sin, the things I'm ashamed of and the decisions I've made. But until I completely allow God to cleanse my heart, there will always be the specks under my nails.
My younger brother, CJ, bought me a wonderful Christmas present this year. See, this was the first year that he really picked out the gifts he gave and his gift changed my heart for what I hope will be the rest of my life.
CJ is my 19 year old stepbrother. I remember when our parents first started seeing each other about 11 years ago. CJ was an only child and there were three of us: Michael, Taylor & I. Today, I am 24, Michael is 21, CJ is 19 & Taylor is 14. You can only imagine how overwhelmed CJ probably was when he met us. This sweet little boy who never had any siblings was now on overload with two older ones and a younger sister. Michael & I used to joke that CJ might not make it with us! He was too quiet and we knew we probably scared him to death! We did!
Ten years later, CJ has been such a light for me. Early in high school he began going on missions trips to Guatemala, serving others. The summer before his senior year, he and 5 of his friends who led their own Bible study organized a missions trip to the Dominican Republic. Our mom, a friends' mom and I went with these 6 teenagers. CJ showed what a leader he was on that trip. He has such a heart and passion for Christ. While he was stepping up and leading his friends I was on my downward path.
The week of the trip, I struggled with ending my relationship with the man I was seeing. He was ten years older than me, not a Christian, worked for my family's company and was COMPLETELY opposite of the type of man that I assumed I would marry. I missed him so much while I was gone, but I knew that if I was going to serve God, I couldn't serve myself too. So I got on the plane & flew home with the present I bought for him and decided to serve God.
Three weeks later, as my incredible younger brother prepared to give his testimony and speak about the trip to other teenagers at church, I faced my parents to tell them that I was pregnant. I was 21 years old, not married and as far as they knew I was single. They had no idea that I'd been seeing this man. It was shocking, overwhelming, disappointing, scary, and I'm sure full of so many other emotions that I can only begin to understand as a mom.
Over the following two years, CJ finished his senior year as an incredible young man. He chose to wait to go to college in the US for a year and went to Word of Life in Argentina, a Bible College. Now that he's back home, he's living as an example for Christ and leading Bible studies for other teens.
So when I opened my Christmas present that he picked out, I was excited to see that it was a book. It wasn't until this week that I finally made the time to open and read the book. I'm so thankful that God led him to choose this study for me.
Beautiful Things Happen When A Woman Trusts God, by Sheila Walsh has been incredible so far and the inspiration for this blog.
She said, "Learning to start again is not easy. ...every fall was a gift and every bruise a sign..."
This is my start again. It won't be easy and knowing myself I'll hide my downfalls and failures like I try to hide the dirt under my nails by painting them, usually a dark color. But I know that God will reveal Himself to me and show me who I am in Him.
"For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
This is beauty Whit! I love you!
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