Lately I've been SO frustrated with myself. I'm looking for a job right now because I need to make more money than what I'm making now. So here I sit, combing through Craigslist, hoping that something is going to jump out at me & scream "We want YOU!" It's not happening! There are several reasons why this isn't working for me. The first is that I did not finish school. I was young, stupid, irresponsible & much to my shame & dismay, COMPLETELY IMMATURE. I can't believe I just said that! I put up a front and try to make people think that I am what I want to be, when in reality, I'm not always what I want to be. So not finishing school is a HUGE obstacle. Another is that I believe that I am being called to write or speak, to share God's word with young women and teenagers who may not necessarily know how to make it through whatever they're dealing with. He has laid so many things on my heart that I want to share, but am just waiting for His timing. Feeling this calling, I want to devote as much time as possible to reading, studying, praying, just being in His presence to LISTEN and be TAUGHT. WHERE WHERE WHERE does that time come from? I was listening to the radio last week and a snipet from Proverbs 31 Ministries came on. The lady was saying that she realized that when she waited to have time for God, she never had it, something came up or she didn't have enough. So her challenge was to MAKE time for God each day. In MAKING time in my life, I've come to realize that every day that I MAKE time and PLAN to get up early, Dillon inevitably wakes up for hours in the middle of the night or wakes up before 5 am and won't go back to sleep. Seriously, Satan?!?! Just go away & let me have MY QUIET TIME!!! Finally, and this is the most frustrating part, it seems like everything that comes into my life lately is in NC and it makes me wonder why I was SO into me and NOT SO into God when I was home! I find that I yearn for Christ so deeply and the encouragement that I turn to is at home: the sermons/podcasts that I listen to at work are from King's Way Baptist in Concord, the devotionals that I receive over email are from Matthews, the snipets that encourage me as a woman each morning on the radio are from Matthews, my friends that I connect with on a deeper, Christ inspired level are in Charlotte! To top it off, FACEBOOK is KILLING ME! Not in a bad way ;) Everytime I log on, I see something posted from my NC family/friends that is so encouraging & makes me yearn to be there.
For so long, I claimed Jeremiah 29:11 as my life verse. Lately I've come to realize that it was a safe choice. That I chose it because it was easy to remember and I heard it so frequently, no one would question why I chose it. Let's face it, I was just faking it. I chose the easy way out. But here, it applies so well. God does have a plan for me, one that is good for me and that won't put me in danger, a plan that is perfect for HIS will for my life. I just have to be willing to listen & to follow.
So as frustrated as I am that my life isn't easy right now, I know that I'm here for a reason and I'm willing to live in slow motion (at least that's the way it feels) until God is ready for me to feel like I'm living in real time.
I think that this is so frustrating for me because I'm not a patient person. Once I have an idea, I want to run with it. Some of this is about patience, but I think so much more of it is about being a good steward of what God has given me. I've heard it said that of everything we have, nothing is truly ours. God has entrusted us to take care of His things & people while we're here on earth. I wasn't a good steward of all of the blessings that God bestowed upon me when I was younger. I used them up and hid them away, kind of like the servant in Matthew 25:14-30. The parable of the talents. The man had three servants that he blessed with different amounts of talents before he went on a journey. The number of talents was based on their ability. The first two servants, who received the greater talents went out & put their talents to use to earn more. The third servant dug a hole in the ground & hid the talent. In years past, I've been so guilty of that. God would bless me with something and instead of going out and multiplying it for His Kingdom, I did the equivalent of burying it in the ground. I buried it in my life, FOR ME. When the master came back, the first two servants showed him that they had multiplied their talents & he increasingly blessed them with new things. But the third servant, who was afraid had nothing to show. In vs 26, his master replied "you wicked, lazy servant!" Later he follows with this vs 28-30 "Take the talent from him and give it to the one who has the ten talents. For EVERYONE who has will be given more, and he will have an ABUNDANCE. Whoever does NOT have, even what he has will be TAKEN from him. And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth."
I feel like this time in my life where I'm waiting, where God isn't bestowing the blessings that I think I'm ready for, is the end of the past years where I was in the darkness. There was weeping, a great deal of it!
As I sit here today, I'm making a commitment to myself and to God that EVERYTHING that He entrusts me with, I'm going to go out & multiply it for HIS kingdom. And if He should choose to bless me with a job or to allow me to minister to others through writing & speaking, then I'll do that for HIS honor & glory and not for mine alone!
I'm still frustrated, but I have so much faith that this is a season in my life that He's going to use for His purpose. I just pray that I'm waiting there with open arms willing to take and give with all that I am!
Friday, March 11, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Hold Please
Do you ever feel like your life is on what seems like a permanent HOLD? Over the last week, I've been reading, chatting with my Christian friends and listening. I feel like, in the most unexpected places, God has already shown and taught me so much. It's an incredible feeling to know that you are walking with the Lord and that He's speaking to you through everything around you. In all of this learning, I've found myself innundated with ideas & thoughts that I wanted to share on here. I almost felt ridiculous because there were so many things, that I wondered how crazy I would appear if I had 20 new posts on a blog that was less than a week old?!?! I was talking to one of my moms last Friday, yes, I am incredibly blessed to have two amazing women to call mom! Thank you Jesus! But I was telling her about all of the things that I'm learning and how I feel like I'm being led and how I'm so thankful to be able to write down my time with our Holy Lord. It seemed like everytime I sat down to write, something came up. Case in point, both days this week, when I took my lunch, I was planning to go into this training room and write, but both days it was locked and I couldn't get in. At night, when I've gotten home, I've been so exhausted that it was all I could do to spend time reading & journaling. Last night, I didn't really even get that time, Dillon went to bed at 7:30, was back up at 8:30, went back to bed, was back up at 9:30 and finally went down close to 11. I'm a tired momma!!! So because I got to work early & started working far before I was supposed to be here, I'm taking a moment for myself.
I am BY FAR one of the MOST IMPATIENT people on the planet. FYI, Lord, this is NOT me praying for patience!!! I don't think I can handle that too, right now! It was simply an admission of guilt! I've been praying for God to open my eyes, ears & heart and to close my mouth and my mind that is not of Him, in my search for a church. It's really hard to find a church in a new area, especially when the churches on every corner are not Baptist ones, like at home, they're Catholic. Obviously that's not the church that I'm going to, so I have to search extra hard. It's also really hard to search for a church when you're an unmarried mom of a 2 year old whose fiance isn't necessarily ready to go to church with you. I'm certainly not the Holy Spirit so I'm not going to require that my fiance go to church with us. I'm going to pray that God will soften his heart and in HIS time, he will show Sean HIS will for his life. I am going to search for a church that our entire family can come to and get involved and be ministered to. My prayer is that our entire family will, one day, go to church and be involved together.
So I've found this seemingly WONDERFUL church. I say seemingly because I haven't visited yet, but I have been listening to their podcasts all week, I've devoured their website, scouring their beliefs to make sure that they match up with mine and prayed, prayed, prayed that if this is where we're supposed to be for God to glue me to my seat. So tonight, Sean is watching Dillon so that I can go by myself for their worship service and really get a feel for it. I CAN NOT WAIT!!! I'm so excited because in my heart of hearts, I really feel like this is the place for me & our family. I love the fact that the internet lets me hear their heart for the Word of God without walking in the doors. So I make my first opinion about what's most important, not the music, the people, the decorations, whether they serve coffee or not, etc. But I'm like a kid on Christmas morning, like I was the day we found out Dillon's sex, like I was the Sunday morning that my water broke, like I was last Christmas day when Sean proposed and I couldn't wait to tell our families & show my moms my ring! I am NOT patient! I would run everyone else over to get to what I was waiting for if I had no self control!
Yesterday, I was reading about Mary, Martha & Lazarus. In Luke, we learn that Jesus spent a good deal of time with them. He stayed in their homes, developed a relationship with them. They were close. So when Jesus went across the Jordan River and Lazarus got sick, Mary & Martha assumed Jesus would come running.
In John 11:3, Mary & Martha sent word to Jesus, "Lord, the one you love is sick."
vs 4 Jesus says, "This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it."
Now, it took at least a day to get the word to Jesus that Lazarus was sick, and He still stayed where he was for TWO more days, knowing that it would take Him at least one day to get back.
When He got back, Martha went out to meet Him saying (vs. 21) "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died."
In verses 23-27, Jesus tells her that Lazarus will rise again, which she thinks He means that Lazarus will rise again in the resurrection of the last day. Jesus tells her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die."
Mary & Martha took Jesus to Lazarus' grave & in something overwhelming for me to think about, (vs 35.) "Jesus wept." How amazing is it that Jesus loves us so much that He weeps for us. For one who is so Holy, Almighty, Powerful, Above All, and He weeps for us. WOW!
In vs 39, Jesus says, "Take away the stone."
Martha reminds Him of the fact that it's been four days and that the odor is going to be beyond strong.
From vs. 40-45, Jesus says, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?" When they took away the stone, Jesus offered up this prayer, "Father, I thnk you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, THAT THEY MAY BELIEVE THAT YOU SENT ME."
When He called Lazarus to come out, He said, "Take off the grave clothes and let him go."
How incredible is it, that even after Lazarus had passed that Jesus raised him from the grave. That He was able to use this, IN HIS TIME, to show those standing there that He was TRULY the One SON OF GOD!
It's almost like Jesus said to Mary & Martha, "Hold please. It's not my timing yet. When it is, I will be there. Until then, Hold please."
So often in my life, I've felt like He's been telling me, "Hold please." and I've ignored Him. Those times are when I've seen that things have not worked out the way that I prayed they would. And in the times when I knew that God had given His blessing on things, I realized that they didn't work out because, Sure, I had His blessing, but I DIDN'T have it for THAT TIME. So once again, it had been ALL ABOUT ME.
My prayer today is that when God tells me to "Hold please," that I listen. I know that if I don't hold until He says it's time, things are going to work out.
I am BY FAR one of the MOST IMPATIENT people on the planet. FYI, Lord, this is NOT me praying for patience!!! I don't think I can handle that too, right now! It was simply an admission of guilt! I've been praying for God to open my eyes, ears & heart and to close my mouth and my mind that is not of Him, in my search for a church. It's really hard to find a church in a new area, especially when the churches on every corner are not Baptist ones, like at home, they're Catholic. Obviously that's not the church that I'm going to, so I have to search extra hard. It's also really hard to search for a church when you're an unmarried mom of a 2 year old whose fiance isn't necessarily ready to go to church with you. I'm certainly not the Holy Spirit so I'm not going to require that my fiance go to church with us. I'm going to pray that God will soften his heart and in HIS time, he will show Sean HIS will for his life. I am going to search for a church that our entire family can come to and get involved and be ministered to. My prayer is that our entire family will, one day, go to church and be involved together.
So I've found this seemingly WONDERFUL church. I say seemingly because I haven't visited yet, but I have been listening to their podcasts all week, I've devoured their website, scouring their beliefs to make sure that they match up with mine and prayed, prayed, prayed that if this is where we're supposed to be for God to glue me to my seat. So tonight, Sean is watching Dillon so that I can go by myself for their worship service and really get a feel for it. I CAN NOT WAIT!!! I'm so excited because in my heart of hearts, I really feel like this is the place for me & our family. I love the fact that the internet lets me hear their heart for the Word of God without walking in the doors. So I make my first opinion about what's most important, not the music, the people, the decorations, whether they serve coffee or not, etc. But I'm like a kid on Christmas morning, like I was the day we found out Dillon's sex, like I was the Sunday morning that my water broke, like I was last Christmas day when Sean proposed and I couldn't wait to tell our families & show my moms my ring! I am NOT patient! I would run everyone else over to get to what I was waiting for if I had no self control!
Yesterday, I was reading about Mary, Martha & Lazarus. In Luke, we learn that Jesus spent a good deal of time with them. He stayed in their homes, developed a relationship with them. They were close. So when Jesus went across the Jordan River and Lazarus got sick, Mary & Martha assumed Jesus would come running.
In John 11:3, Mary & Martha sent word to Jesus, "Lord, the one you love is sick."
vs 4 Jesus says, "This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it."
Now, it took at least a day to get the word to Jesus that Lazarus was sick, and He still stayed where he was for TWO more days, knowing that it would take Him at least one day to get back.
When He got back, Martha went out to meet Him saying (vs. 21) "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died."
In verses 23-27, Jesus tells her that Lazarus will rise again, which she thinks He means that Lazarus will rise again in the resurrection of the last day. Jesus tells her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die."
Mary & Martha took Jesus to Lazarus' grave & in something overwhelming for me to think about, (vs 35.) "Jesus wept." How amazing is it that Jesus loves us so much that He weeps for us. For one who is so Holy, Almighty, Powerful, Above All, and He weeps for us. WOW!
In vs 39, Jesus says, "Take away the stone."
Martha reminds Him of the fact that it's been four days and that the odor is going to be beyond strong.
From vs. 40-45, Jesus says, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?" When they took away the stone, Jesus offered up this prayer, "Father, I thnk you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, THAT THEY MAY BELIEVE THAT YOU SENT ME."
When He called Lazarus to come out, He said, "Take off the grave clothes and let him go."
How incredible is it, that even after Lazarus had passed that Jesus raised him from the grave. That He was able to use this, IN HIS TIME, to show those standing there that He was TRULY the One SON OF GOD!
It's almost like Jesus said to Mary & Martha, "Hold please. It's not my timing yet. When it is, I will be there. Until then, Hold please."
So often in my life, I've felt like He's been telling me, "Hold please." and I've ignored Him. Those times are when I've seen that things have not worked out the way that I prayed they would. And in the times when I knew that God had given His blessing on things, I realized that they didn't work out because, Sure, I had His blessing, but I DIDN'T have it for THAT TIME. So once again, it had been ALL ABOUT ME.
My prayer today is that when God tells me to "Hold please," that I listen. I know that if I don't hold until He says it's time, things are going to work out.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
BFF&A
Remember when you were in middle school? I was in middle school in the late 90's. The Backstreet Boys & N*Sync were the heartthrobs of the hour, when you wrote your friend a note during class you had to fold it 37 different ways to Sunday before you gave it to her. (FYI, I was NEVER good at that. I'm the girl that had to rewrite my note because I didn't want my friend to know that I ripped it while trying to fold it the cool way!) And when you wrote the note, the short hand WBS-write back soon, TTYL-talk to you later, etc was really coming into it's own. My favorite was when you ended your note, you had to justify how truly BEST best friends you were with something like "BFF."
When I was packing to move to the DC area last year, I found a note that I had received from my BFF. She was a sweet girl, who I haven't spoken to in more than 13 years. On the note it said "BFF&A" I had to google what that meant, "Best Friends Forever & Always." It made me a little sad to remember how close we were and then to realize that I had no idea what was going on in her life or where she was now.
This morning I had the wonderful pleasure of talking to my adult BFF&A on my commute in. She's a woman that I met through King's Way Baptist Church. She's incredibly REAL, honest, true to herself and beautiful in a way that is indescribable because her beauty comes from letting God's light shine through her. I remember early in our friendship, she was so sweet. Even the recording on her voicemail was so inviting. I thought, "Wow, I hope people see me as that nice!" Amelia has stayed by my side when others couldn't, wouldn't or didn't. I remember telling her that I was struggling. I expected her disappointment to shine through, for a look of disgust to come over her face that she would try to hide and then for our friendship to gradually decline & dissapate. That's what I wanted to do to myself. Instead, she gave me a hug and told me that everyone struggles. She said that she would pray for me & did, right there. Over the next several weeks she made sure that I remembered how beautiful & special I was in God's eyes and that I could overcome my struggles. That God would always be there for me as long as I asked him to. Over time, Amelia & I don't get to talk as much and rarely get to see each other. In fact, I don't think I've seen her since before we moved to DC in Nov 09. She's the one person that WHEN I prayed over the last couple of years, I remembered to pray for.
When we talked today I told her about how inspired I had been over the last week and also how disappointed I'd been. I'll share that later tonight. Even though she's not been in the exact same position that I am, she shared the exact words that I know came straight from God to me. "Pray for his relationship with God. That's more important than your relationship with him."
Jesus is our Heavenly BFF&A,if we let Him. I haven't let Him be there for me, no matter what. I haven't relied on His strength and direction to lead my steps. I decided a long time ago that I was too good or too cool or too independent or too something, that I didn't need Him. I could do it on my own. Looking back, it's so apparent that I couldn't do it on my own. That when I chose to live my life for me and not for Him, I just made mistakes.
I want to share, I DO NOT think that our son was a mistake. I love my fiance and our son with all of my heart. I know that things are not perfect and that they aren't the way that I thought my life would turn out, but they are the way that they are. I wouldn't change one moment of my time with either of them because I know that what we have experienced individually and as a family will ultimately make us a strong witness for Christ. Through all of this, my goal is to grow closer to Christ, to live a life that honors and glorifies Him, to be an example and share His leadership in my life so that I can be the best wife to Sean and mom to Dillon that God has created me to be.
My desire, my thirst & hunger are for my own life but also for theirs. So today, I make it my challenge to let Jesus be my BFF&A. To rely on Him because there is none like Him. To ask Him to "turn me around, pick me up, undo what I've become. Bring me back to a place of forgiveness and grace. I need You, I need Your help. I can't do this myself. You're the only one who can undo what I've become."
I am so blessed to have been given Amelia as my human BFF&A and even more incredibly blessed to have Jesus Christ as my first and foremost BFF&A.
When I was packing to move to the DC area last year, I found a note that I had received from my BFF. She was a sweet girl, who I haven't spoken to in more than 13 years. On the note it said "BFF&A" I had to google what that meant, "Best Friends Forever & Always." It made me a little sad to remember how close we were and then to realize that I had no idea what was going on in her life or where she was now.
This morning I had the wonderful pleasure of talking to my adult BFF&A on my commute in. She's a woman that I met through King's Way Baptist Church. She's incredibly REAL, honest, true to herself and beautiful in a way that is indescribable because her beauty comes from letting God's light shine through her. I remember early in our friendship, she was so sweet. Even the recording on her voicemail was so inviting. I thought, "Wow, I hope people see me as that nice!" Amelia has stayed by my side when others couldn't, wouldn't or didn't. I remember telling her that I was struggling. I expected her disappointment to shine through, for a look of disgust to come over her face that she would try to hide and then for our friendship to gradually decline & dissapate. That's what I wanted to do to myself. Instead, she gave me a hug and told me that everyone struggles. She said that she would pray for me & did, right there. Over the next several weeks she made sure that I remembered how beautiful & special I was in God's eyes and that I could overcome my struggles. That God would always be there for me as long as I asked him to. Over time, Amelia & I don't get to talk as much and rarely get to see each other. In fact, I don't think I've seen her since before we moved to DC in Nov 09. She's the one person that WHEN I prayed over the last couple of years, I remembered to pray for.
When we talked today I told her about how inspired I had been over the last week and also how disappointed I'd been. I'll share that later tonight. Even though she's not been in the exact same position that I am, she shared the exact words that I know came straight from God to me. "Pray for his relationship with God. That's more important than your relationship with him."
Jesus is our Heavenly BFF&A,if we let Him. I haven't let Him be there for me, no matter what. I haven't relied on His strength and direction to lead my steps. I decided a long time ago that I was too good or too cool or too independent or too something, that I didn't need Him. I could do it on my own. Looking back, it's so apparent that I couldn't do it on my own. That when I chose to live my life for me and not for Him, I just made mistakes.
I want to share, I DO NOT think that our son was a mistake. I love my fiance and our son with all of my heart. I know that things are not perfect and that they aren't the way that I thought my life would turn out, but they are the way that they are. I wouldn't change one moment of my time with either of them because I know that what we have experienced individually and as a family will ultimately make us a strong witness for Christ. Through all of this, my goal is to grow closer to Christ, to live a life that honors and glorifies Him, to be an example and share His leadership in my life so that I can be the best wife to Sean and mom to Dillon that God has created me to be.
My desire, my thirst & hunger are for my own life but also for theirs. So today, I make it my challenge to let Jesus be my BFF&A. To rely on Him because there is none like Him. To ask Him to "turn me around, pick me up, undo what I've become. Bring me back to a place of forgiveness and grace. I need You, I need Your help. I can't do this myself. You're the only one who can undo what I've become."
I am so blessed to have been given Amelia as my human BFF&A and even more incredibly blessed to have Jesus Christ as my first and foremost BFF&A.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Coming Back to a Heart of Worship
The decisions I make & the sin in my life are just like the dirt under my fingernails. No matter how many times I get a manicure, paint my nails or wash my hands, until I completely cleanse my hands, there will still always be the specks of dirt under my nails. In my life, I can cover my sin, the things I'm ashamed of and the decisions I've made. But until I completely allow God to cleanse my heart, there will always be the specks under my nails.
My younger brother, CJ, bought me a wonderful Christmas present this year. See, this was the first year that he really picked out the gifts he gave and his gift changed my heart for what I hope will be the rest of my life.
CJ is my 19 year old stepbrother. I remember when our parents first started seeing each other about 11 years ago. CJ was an only child and there were three of us: Michael, Taylor & I. Today, I am 24, Michael is 21, CJ is 19 & Taylor is 14. You can only imagine how overwhelmed CJ probably was when he met us. This sweet little boy who never had any siblings was now on overload with two older ones and a younger sister. Michael & I used to joke that CJ might not make it with us! He was too quiet and we knew we probably scared him to death! We did!
Ten years later, CJ has been such a light for me. Early in high school he began going on missions trips to Guatemala, serving others. The summer before his senior year, he and 5 of his friends who led their own Bible study organized a missions trip to the Dominican Republic. Our mom, a friends' mom and I went with these 6 teenagers. CJ showed what a leader he was on that trip. He has such a heart and passion for Christ. While he was stepping up and leading his friends I was on my downward path.
The week of the trip, I struggled with ending my relationship with the man I was seeing. He was ten years older than me, not a Christian, worked for my family's company and was COMPLETELY opposite of the type of man that I assumed I would marry. I missed him so much while I was gone, but I knew that if I was going to serve God, I couldn't serve myself too. So I got on the plane & flew home with the present I bought for him and decided to serve God.
Three weeks later, as my incredible younger brother prepared to give his testimony and speak about the trip to other teenagers at church, I faced my parents to tell them that I was pregnant. I was 21 years old, not married and as far as they knew I was single. They had no idea that I'd been seeing this man. It was shocking, overwhelming, disappointing, scary, and I'm sure full of so many other emotions that I can only begin to understand as a mom.
Over the following two years, CJ finished his senior year as an incredible young man. He chose to wait to go to college in the US for a year and went to Word of Life in Argentina, a Bible College. Now that he's back home, he's living as an example for Christ and leading Bible studies for other teens.
So when I opened my Christmas present that he picked out, I was excited to see that it was a book. It wasn't until this week that I finally made the time to open and read the book. I'm so thankful that God led him to choose this study for me.
Beautiful Things Happen When A Woman Trusts God, by Sheila Walsh has been incredible so far and the inspiration for this blog.
She said, "Learning to start again is not easy. ...every fall was a gift and every bruise a sign..."
This is my start again. It won't be easy and knowing myself I'll hide my downfalls and failures like I try to hide the dirt under my nails by painting them, usually a dark color. But I know that God will reveal Himself to me and show me who I am in Him.
"For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
My younger brother, CJ, bought me a wonderful Christmas present this year. See, this was the first year that he really picked out the gifts he gave and his gift changed my heart for what I hope will be the rest of my life.
CJ is my 19 year old stepbrother. I remember when our parents first started seeing each other about 11 years ago. CJ was an only child and there were three of us: Michael, Taylor & I. Today, I am 24, Michael is 21, CJ is 19 & Taylor is 14. You can only imagine how overwhelmed CJ probably was when he met us. This sweet little boy who never had any siblings was now on overload with two older ones and a younger sister. Michael & I used to joke that CJ might not make it with us! He was too quiet and we knew we probably scared him to death! We did!
Ten years later, CJ has been such a light for me. Early in high school he began going on missions trips to Guatemala, serving others. The summer before his senior year, he and 5 of his friends who led their own Bible study organized a missions trip to the Dominican Republic. Our mom, a friends' mom and I went with these 6 teenagers. CJ showed what a leader he was on that trip. He has such a heart and passion for Christ. While he was stepping up and leading his friends I was on my downward path.
The week of the trip, I struggled with ending my relationship with the man I was seeing. He was ten years older than me, not a Christian, worked for my family's company and was COMPLETELY opposite of the type of man that I assumed I would marry. I missed him so much while I was gone, but I knew that if I was going to serve God, I couldn't serve myself too. So I got on the plane & flew home with the present I bought for him and decided to serve God.
Three weeks later, as my incredible younger brother prepared to give his testimony and speak about the trip to other teenagers at church, I faced my parents to tell them that I was pregnant. I was 21 years old, not married and as far as they knew I was single. They had no idea that I'd been seeing this man. It was shocking, overwhelming, disappointing, scary, and I'm sure full of so many other emotions that I can only begin to understand as a mom.
Over the following two years, CJ finished his senior year as an incredible young man. He chose to wait to go to college in the US for a year and went to Word of Life in Argentina, a Bible College. Now that he's back home, he's living as an example for Christ and leading Bible studies for other teens.
So when I opened my Christmas present that he picked out, I was excited to see that it was a book. It wasn't until this week that I finally made the time to open and read the book. I'm so thankful that God led him to choose this study for me.
Beautiful Things Happen When A Woman Trusts God, by Sheila Walsh has been incredible so far and the inspiration for this blog.
She said, "Learning to start again is not easy. ...every fall was a gift and every bruise a sign..."
This is my start again. It won't be easy and knowing myself I'll hide my downfalls and failures like I try to hide the dirt under my nails by painting them, usually a dark color. But I know that God will reveal Himself to me and show me who I am in Him.
"For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
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