BFF&A

Remember when you were in middle school? I was in middle school in the late 90's. The Backstreet Boys & N*Sync were the heartthrobs of the hour, when you wrote your friend a note during class you had to fold it 37 different ways to Sunday before you gave it to her. (FYI, I was NEVER good at that. I'm the girl that had to rewrite my note because I didn't want my friend to know that I ripped it while trying to fold it the cool way!) And when you wrote the note, the short hand WBS-write back soon, TTYL-talk to you later, etc was really coming into it's own. My favorite was when you ended your note, you had to justify how truly BEST best friends you were with something like "BFF."

When I was packing to move to the DC area last year, I found a note that I had received from my BFF. She was a sweet girl, who I haven't spoken to in more than 13 years. On the note it said "BFF&A" I had to google what that meant, "Best Friends Forever & Always." It made me a little sad to remember how close we were and then to realize that I had no idea what was going on in her life or where she was now.

This morning I had the wonderful pleasure of talking to my adult BFF&A on my commute in. She's a woman that I met through King's Way Baptist Church. She's incredibly REAL, honest, true to herself and beautiful in a way that is indescribable because her beauty comes from letting God's light shine through her. I remember early in our friendship, she was so sweet. Even the recording on her voicemail was so inviting. I thought, "Wow, I hope people see me as that nice!" Amelia has stayed by my side when others couldn't, wouldn't or didn't. I remember telling her that I was struggling. I expected her disappointment to shine through, for a look of disgust to come over her face that she would try to hide and then for our friendship to gradually decline & dissapate. That's what I wanted to do to myself. Instead, she gave me a hug and told me that everyone struggles. She said that she would pray for me & did, right there. Over the next several weeks she made sure that I remembered how beautiful & special I was in God's eyes and that I could overcome my struggles. That God would always be there for me as long as I asked him to. Over time, Amelia & I don't get to talk as much and rarely get to see each other. In fact, I don't think I've seen her since before we moved to DC in Nov 09. She's the one person that WHEN I prayed over the last couple of years, I remembered to pray for.

When we talked today I told her about how inspired I had been over the last week and also how disappointed I'd been. I'll share that later tonight. Even though she's not been in the exact same position that I am, she shared the exact words that I know came straight from God to me. "Pray for his relationship with God. That's more important than your relationship with him."
Jesus is our Heavenly BFF&A,if we let Him. I haven't let Him be there for me, no matter what. I haven't relied on His strength and direction to lead my steps. I decided a long time ago that I was too good or too cool or too independent or too something, that I didn't need Him. I could do it on my own. Looking back, it's so apparent that I couldn't do it on my own. That when I chose to live my life for me and not for Him, I just made mistakes.

I want to share, I DO NOT think that our son was a mistake. I love my fiance and our son with all of my heart. I know that things are not perfect and that they aren't the way that I thought my life would turn out, but they are the way that they are. I wouldn't change one moment of my time with either of them because I know that what we have experienced individually and as a family will ultimately make us a strong witness for Christ. Through all of this, my goal is to grow closer to Christ, to live a life that honors and glorifies Him, to be an example and share His leadership in my life so that I can be the best wife to Sean and mom to Dillon that God has created me to be.

My desire, my thirst & hunger are for my own life but also for theirs. So today, I make it my challenge to let Jesus be my BFF&A. To rely on Him because there is none like Him. To ask Him to "turn me around, pick me up, undo what I've become. Bring me back to a place of forgiveness and grace. I need You, I need Your help. I can't do this myself. You're the only one who can undo what I've become."

I am so blessed to have been given Amelia as my human BFF&A and even more incredibly blessed to have Jesus Christ as my first and foremost BFF&A.