Hold Please

Do you ever feel like your life is on what seems like a permanent HOLD? Over the last week, I've been reading, chatting with my Christian friends and listening. I feel like, in the most unexpected places, God has already shown and taught me so much. It's an incredible feeling to know that you are walking with the Lord and that He's speaking to you through everything around you. In all of this learning, I've found myself innundated with ideas & thoughts that I wanted to share on here. I almost felt ridiculous because there were so many things, that I wondered how crazy I would appear if I had 20 new posts on a blog that was less than a week old?!?! I was talking to one of my moms last Friday, yes, I am incredibly blessed to have two amazing women to call mom! Thank you Jesus! But I was telling her about all of the things that I'm learning and how I feel like I'm being led and how I'm so thankful to be able to write down my time with our Holy Lord. It seemed like everytime I sat down to write, something came up. Case in point, both days this week, when I took my lunch, I was planning to go into this training room and write, but both days it was locked and I couldn't get in. At night, when I've gotten home, I've been so exhausted that it was all I could do to spend time reading & journaling. Last night, I didn't really even get that time, Dillon went to bed at 7:30, was back up at 8:30, went back to bed, was back up at 9:30 and finally went down close to 11. I'm a tired momma!!! So because I got to work early & started working far before I was supposed to be here, I'm taking a moment for myself.

I am BY FAR one of the MOST IMPATIENT people on the planet. FYI, Lord, this is NOT me praying for patience!!! I don't think I can handle that too, right now! It was simply an admission of guilt! I've been praying for God to open my eyes, ears & heart and to close my mouth and my mind that is not of Him, in my search for a church. It's really hard to find a church in a new area, especially when the churches on every corner are not Baptist ones, like at home, they're Catholic. Obviously that's not the church that I'm going to, so I have to search extra hard. It's also really hard to search for a church when you're an unmarried mom of a 2 year old whose fiance isn't necessarily ready to go to church with you. I'm certainly not the Holy Spirit so I'm not going to require that my fiance go to church with us. I'm going to pray that God will soften his heart and in HIS time, he will show Sean HIS will for his life. I am going to search for a church that our entire family can come to and get involved and be ministered to. My prayer is that our entire family will, one day, go to church and be involved together.

So I've found this seemingly WONDERFUL church. I say seemingly because I haven't visited yet, but I have been listening to their podcasts all week, I've devoured their website, scouring their beliefs to make sure that they match up with mine and prayed, prayed, prayed that if this is where we're supposed to be for God to glue me to my seat. So tonight, Sean is watching Dillon so that I can go by myself for their worship service and really get a feel for it. I CAN NOT WAIT!!! I'm so excited because in my heart of hearts, I really feel like this is the place for me & our family. I love the fact that the internet lets me hear their heart for the Word of God without walking in the doors. So I make my first opinion about what's most important, not the music, the people, the decorations, whether they serve coffee or not, etc. But I'm like a kid on Christmas morning, like I was the day we found out Dillon's sex, like I was the Sunday morning that my water broke, like I was last Christmas day when Sean proposed and I couldn't wait to tell our families & show my moms my ring! I am NOT patient! I would run everyone else over to get to what I was waiting for if I had no self control!

Yesterday, I was reading about Mary, Martha & Lazarus. In Luke, we learn that Jesus spent a good deal of time with them. He stayed in their homes, developed a relationship with them. They were close. So when Jesus went across the Jordan River and Lazarus got sick, Mary & Martha assumed Jesus would come running.

In John 11:3, Mary & Martha sent word to Jesus, "Lord, the one you love is sick."

vs 4 Jesus says, "This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it."

Now, it took at least a day to get the word to Jesus that Lazarus was sick, and He still stayed where he was for TWO more days, knowing that it would take Him at least one day to get back.

When He got back, Martha went out to meet Him saying (vs. 21) "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died."

In verses 23-27, Jesus tells her that Lazarus will rise again, which she thinks He means that Lazarus will rise again in the resurrection of the last day. Jesus tells her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die."

Mary & Martha took Jesus to Lazarus' grave & in something overwhelming for me to think about, (vs 35.) "Jesus wept." How amazing is it that Jesus loves us so much that He weeps for us. For one who is so Holy, Almighty, Powerful, Above All, and He weeps for us. WOW!

In vs 39, Jesus says, "Take away the stone."

Martha reminds Him of the fact that it's been four days and that the odor is going to be beyond strong.

From vs. 40-45, Jesus says, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?" When they took away the stone, Jesus offered up this prayer, "Father, I thnk you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, THAT THEY MAY BELIEVE THAT YOU SENT ME."

When He called Lazarus to come out, He said, "Take off the grave clothes and let him go."

How incredible is it, that even after Lazarus had passed that Jesus raised him from the grave. That He was able to use this, IN HIS TIME, to show those standing there that He was TRULY the One SON OF GOD!

It's almost like Jesus said to Mary & Martha, "Hold please. It's not my timing yet. When it is, I will be there. Until then, Hold please."

So often in my life, I've felt like He's been telling me, "Hold please." and I've ignored Him. Those times are when I've seen that things have not worked out the way that I prayed they would. And in the times when I knew that God had given His blessing on things, I realized that they didn't work out because, Sure, I had His blessing, but I DIDN'T have it for THAT TIME. So once again, it had been ALL ABOUT ME.

My prayer today is that when God tells me to "Hold please," that I listen. I know that if I don't hold until He says it's time, things are going to work out.